127 weeks

It's been more than 2 years since I last hit the mat regularly.

Within these 127 weeks, self reproach and remorse came and went for giving it up when I saw myself making progress. I was committed and I lost the commitment. What made it worse was how I let myself go into an unhealthy 2 years of stuffing myself with rubbish. 

 

Back to an even heavier square one today, and hopefully I will have something different to say in another 127 weeks.

Marriage is not beautiful

Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they’re so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can't help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it's not always pretty. It's snorting while laughing, it's the tears when it feels like its all crashing down, it's the farting, it's the bedhead and bad breath, it's the random dances, it's the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and wont leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. It's fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it's those nights you fall asleep in each others arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one hell of a ride.