127 weeks

It's been more than 2 years since I last hit the mat regularly.

Within these 127 weeks, self reproach and remorse came and went for giving it up when I saw myself making progress. I was committed and I lost the commitment. What made it worse was how I let myself go into an unhealthy 2 years of stuffing myself with rubbish. 

 

Back to an even heavier square one today, and hopefully I will have something different to say in another 127 weeks.

Marriage is not beautiful

Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they’re so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can't help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it's not always pretty. It's snorting while laughing, it's the tears when it feels like its all crashing down, it's the farting, it's the bedhead and bad breath, it's the random dances, it's the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and wont leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. It's fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it's those nights you fall asleep in each others arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one hell of a ride.

Grown-up issues

Quite insane how everything is quickly coming together..but a little too quick for our liking!

Wedding date was finally fixed after ding-donging back and forth with my pantang mum and so was the wedding venue much to our relief, after visiting countless wedding shows and hotels (but this part we sorta enjoyed because free food hehe :D). Bridal package was confirmed quite impulsively on my part..making it the first out of two things I have confirmed to date on a whim and without much thought. *facepalm

With the more urgent wedding matters set aside, we only have the wedding bands and weight loss (sigh) to think about before our photoshoot in Jan.

And now weighing on my mind the past few weeks is zee more exciting yet stressful stage of our lives - renovating our house.

Collected our house keys earlier than we anticipated or hoped for but I guess the tinny silver lining is that we have time on our side to think about what we want for the house and then do it properly..hopefully.

Been stalking pinterest and renotalk forums these few weeks and if our little abode can turn out half as impressive as the ones i see on the internet, i think i will be so very thankful. :)

I've been asked what kind of theme am i keen on and i asked A the same thing..i guess we can kind of agree on Modern Scandinavian since his taste is more towards the modern side and mine is towards the woody/nordic side. 

Actually I am still confused on what I actually want because I want lots of wood, marble and a tinge of rawness (industrial edge?) and I also love the coziness country-themes provide. Lol typical female..indecisive, i know. :\

I love this WIW but I think this may be too girly for A hahaha

Maybe can consider this colour palette but with a closed wardrobe so that it will not look too cluttered.. without the pillar in the middle and 

Can consider this too but colour tone too dark for my liking

Line the shower screen to prevent dirt marks next time..

A bit woody.. a bit raw.. a bit like a resort-style toilet

Bright and airy looking kitchen, but probably change the cabinets to a darker shade (don't want it to yellow over time)

I actually loved this on first sight..but i think it may be a bit too industrial looking to fit in what we want

Would love a similar marble top dining table with wooden legs!

Bedroom to be in shades of soothing honeyed tones of grey, white, cream

Whoops..turning this into a pinterest board.

For the crazy amount of things we have to settle..we are sure going to be extremely tight on $$ for the next few years..:(

Never thought that i would have to ponder so much on grown-up issues and I'm not even 25 yet!

Taste of home

I don't really fancy the popiah sold outside because it always seems to taste flat and one dimensional..not to mention it falls short of so many ingredients. 

It is actually a simple dish with simple ingredients (prawn is the most expensive ingredient here). The labour that goes into it however, is intensive and manual. So simple yet so complex.

If you want a meatier taste to your bang kwang (turnips), add fried onions to your stir fry. It makes all the difference in the world. 

If you want the full recipe, please message me privately. 

This is one recipe that I will definitely want handed down to my future kids and their kids. 

Pipsqueek in Oslo

Oslo was a 14 hours journey from home. 2 days into my trip, I'm still feeling awed by the beauty of this place, both architecturally and naturally. 

Blessed to visit Oslo while it is changing seasons..beautiful blooms everywhere I walk and sun is still out even at 11pm - temperature is a lovely 10 degrees and I'm loving how ice cream doesn't melt in this weather.

Not an easy work trip so far, but what I gained is so much more than what I honestly think I deserve.

Best feeling in the world

Having your dad pick you up from work and buying for you snacks to eat on the long drive home..

Feeling like a super blessed chubby happy girl. 

Always remember

Superstition says that if rain falls on a funeral procession, the deceased will go to heaven. I really believe so.

It has been a very gloomy week for Singaporeans this week, but today is the hardest for us all as we bid our final farewell to our founding father.

I have shed tears many times this week, but listening to the National Anthem today..I have never felt sadder yet prouder to be a Singaporean.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you Sir. May you rest in peace with your beloved wife.

Here and now

This is long overdue but absolutely necessary for me to record down..

31 January 2015

I was positively radiating with joy

The day Adrian put a ring on it.

If happiness feels like a cotton candy rush, seeing all your favourite food on one table, cuddling with puppies or just that delirious high you get from alcohol, I would say watching Adrian get down on one knee was an overwhelming rush of all the happiness in the world combined into that 10 seconds.

The proposal story will be for another day but one month into being a fiancée and I am still trying to deal with the fact that I am now engaged and will become a Mrs at 25 – which I realized don’t matter whether I marry A now or 10 years down the road...because in my heart, I’ve been married to him since 6 years ago. :} (of course now then can say la after he popped the question..haha)

Anyway, the wedding planning process has been exciting so far and I am enjoying every bit of it! I could not have asked for a better person to go through this process with.

Till when I have more time.

xx

Internal locus

Had dinner with a good friend yesterday and what was supposed to be a short and quick session eventually stretched out to almost 4 hours worth of catch up. At this point, I am feeling exhausted and sleepy beyond reason but ironically my mind is clearer than ever. One memorable point that came up was about knowing how our lives will pan out, and about what we choose to do with it.. knowing that we can either lead our lives in that known direction and hence sealing our fate, or really playing it in our own hands.

Got me thinking that a palm-reader once told me something positive about my life and I’m not sure whether it is because of him that I am now leading my life towards that direction, or you know, because destiny. Haaa.

One thing I am a strong believer of though is that people can always choose to be in control of their lives and how they live it. Internal locus of control, that’s what they call it right? Maybe this belief is an ingrained character trait of mine. You want to be rich, work for it. You want to live a life of a traveler, quit your job and find something that suits you. You want to be happy, be. You, not anyone else, are the sole reason for your consequence.

I had the strongest desire to pen down so many thoughts and a whirlwind of emotions - all toxic, no positivity. Then it came to me that this is just not worth it. I want no part of this negativity and nonsense. There are much more important things in my life that are worth my love and attention and this will not be it. This will be the end of page 9/365. A page I will flip, and not re-read.

I have done my part. My conscience is clear. I sleep well at night, and I hope you do too.