I have had one of the most eventful years in my short 23 years of life in 2013 and I think I am quite thankful to say that..
I am alive.
I always tell myself to always appreciate life for what it is and to live everyday as though it is my last but I don't think I have ever taken it quite so literally..I guess when you are forced to have a countdown on your days, do you wake up and start to see what is important around you, what isn't.
I got into numerous car accidents in 2013. I knocked into the car in front of me and on the 3rd last day of the year, I had somebody crashing into the front right of my car..but I guess the most severe and horrific one would be me sitting in a friend's car and crashing into the side of the trailer.
Right up to the seconds before the crash and watching the front windscreen of the car smashing into a million pieces right before my eyes..my life never flashed past me, contrary to popular beliefs haha. All I could think of was, "Oh..this is it." I actually kind of embraced the consequence, whatever it was.
Of course, I am thankful till this day that I walked out of the accident with no serious injuries except a scar on my forehead which extends till my eye lid..and that my colleagues are fine.
I think if there is one thing i learnt in 2013, is that life is truly extremely fragile..and you would never know when will your last day be. I came out of this accident feeling extremely paranoid. On the very night of the accident, I spent my night in the hospital trembling and trying to soothe my furiously beating heart because everytime I tried to lull myself to sleep I replayed the scene of the crash over and over again. One week after the accident, I found myself being ridiculously nervous in cars with trailers driving beside us and yet I could not avoid it because of the nature of my work and where my office is located. And up till now, I can't help freezing up in cars which drive too fast or brake too suddenly.. but I guess this fear or paranoia is never going to go away. I take this as a blessing though, to be more careful on roads, even if other road users aren't.
Coming out of this..I realize how much family, love and happiness really means to me. I guess if something were to happen to me someday, I will go quite easily knowing that I've been lucky to have had the best of all 3.
I was at one of my lowest points recently..in 2013, I complained a lot about immaterial things..about how tiring work is..how much workload I am tasked with and how maybe I am possibly better elsewhere. You can't blame me..I have never been out there trying other types of work so there is no basis to compare against. Speaking to somebody about it made me realize that it is more than that..it is about the job fit, the compatibility, your passion and drive in which if you have, nobody can take from you..and it is really about putting in your best. If there is none of the above, then so be it. If I am going to be spending the majority of my time at work for the foreseeable future..I might as well make the best out of it.
Life is short and perhaps I am still trying to find myself..but I am happy. I love and am loved. I am blessed with the best people around me. I will not ask for more. If I am not already thankful, I will be grateful with what I have.
Afterall, I am alive. And I intend to kick ass in 2014 :)
