Thank you, 2014

"It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life."

Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

Thank you 2014 for being amazing in your own ways. Thank you for surrounding me with wonderful loved ones and adding the cutest baby boy to our family to kick start 2015. Thank you for reminding me to live and not just to make a living.

Looking forward to 2015 - it's gonna be an incredible year of travelling, gaining new experiences and just enjoying where life takes me.

Till then, I'm gonna enjoy the rest of Christmas and 2014 cuddling in with good movies.

Always thankful,

Pipsqueek 

24

They say that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I think I must have turned out pretty alright since I'm surrounded by so many wonderful individuals. :')  

All I wished for fervently on my 24th was for my loved ones to be safe and happy. A's blackout gave me a major scare two weeks before my birthday and the last time I felt the same heart-gripping fear was when I watched my mum have her stroke.

I have told myself countlessly but I can never tell myself enough - appreciate and be so damn thankful for what I have. 

I did not expect to have so many people celebrating my 24th and spoiling me with yummy food and making me blow out my candles 6 times this year (I should be 30 now right? Haha), but more importantly,  spending quality time with me - that I am just feeling kinda overwhelmed now. 

It is ok that I am possibly 10kg heavier than I used to be 2 years ago and it is ok that I am now nearly hitting a quarter of a century. Age and weight is just a number but being loved is immeasurable and I don't know what I did to deserve what I have now, but I am infinitely blessed.

Thank you to all the lovely ones in my life who made turning 24 one of the best periods in my life.

xx

Growing up

“Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts.

Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class.

Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka.

Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?

When protection meant wearing a helmet?

When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?

Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and Mom was your hero?

Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest.

War was only a board game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine.

The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?

And we couldn’t wait to grow up?”

-Author Unknown

The Quiet World

The Quiet World

by Jeffrey McDaniel

In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred   
and sixty-seven words, per day.

When the phone rings, I put it to my ear   
without saying hello. In the restaurant   
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.

Late at night, I call my long distance lover,   
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.   
I saved the rest for you.

When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,   
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line   
and listen to each other breathe.

I was reading back my old journal when I came across this beautiful poem which pickle introduced to me a few years back. Reading it again really struck me how meaningful this poem is - how ridiculous it is to be only limited by 167 words per day and yet an ingenious idea to make every word count for something. How this would ensure that every word is thoroughly thought through before it is spoken, filtering out all the careless and impulsive verbal diarrhea and leaving the essence of what is truly important.

Sometimes, this also reminds us of what can be expressed in silence, how we can be with each other and enjoy each other's company without having to say a single word. How by just listening to each other breathe, already speaks volumes by itself.

Too far

Sometimes I wonder how two people who are miles apart can be closer than two people who are physically near each other.

How did we come to this stage?

Life is too damn short, for it to be slogged away and invested into something that you can't take with you to your grave.

Self-absorbed

Forgive me for this narcissistic post but I miss my long hair 😩 a self reminder to think twice before chopping off my hair again..especially when I'm well aware of my wavy messy hair texture sigh.

Goodbye long (messy) but manageable hair.

The Luckiest, I am

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns

The stumbles and falls brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest

Little outbursts

So recently I've been feeling a little adventurous..which led me to chopping off my hair, again. Some humans just never learn.

You know how sometimes you get these crazy spurts of wanting to do something really different so you jump into it without considering the consequences..yes well now I am at the stage where I am trying to accept the aftermath of my impulsive move.

Time is passing way too fast again for my liking. There are so many changes in my life and I am always so torn between wanting time to slow down, and for the weekdays to fly by on Mondays. I guess I have to learn how to stop and smell the roses on Tuesdays to Thursdays too.

Anyway, for all the occasional times I pause to drop by here to add in a little note, 2014 has been a pretty great year so far - A and I confirmed our little nest recently and that was an extremely surreal and also slightly (maybe more) panicky moment, knowing that we had just signed possibly majority of our life to clear the housing debt and more importantly, an unspoken commitment to spend our lives together. Were we ready for this? I don't know..but how will you ever know when you are ready?

I didn't feel ready, I don't feel ready, and in case you are wondering, A hasn't officially asked me to spend my life with him yet haha (any time soon love...no pressure)..but i guess we took a leap of faith because we love each other and we are trusting that this love is going to sustain us through the difficulties of reality, managing and budgeting our finances, time and commitment to each other and those around us.

If there's anything I am sure of though, it is that I wouldn't have anyone else but A to face the unexpected with, and perhaps this is enough for now.

On another note, I am superbly excited because I am going to be an Aunt soon and if there is anything that this family needs right now, it will be a bouncing bundle of joy! :D I am already fantasizing bringing the beanie out to play and gai gai and maybe he/she can even be my adorable little ring-bearer :} The dilemma of wanting Dec to arrive quickly so that i can meet my niece/nephew and wanting to savour every moment of 2014.

I am going to end this as abruptly as I began. Till I drop by again!

Wise words to live by

I give my all to you

‘Cause all of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

In a limbo between 2013 and 2014

Here I am sitting here outside my door watching my dad's carpark lot as he goes out to pick my mum..

I have had one of the most eventful years in my short 23 years of life in 2013 and I think I am quite thankful to say that..

I am alive.

I always tell myself to always appreciate life for what it is and to live everyday as though it is my last but I don't think I have ever taken it quite so literally..I guess when you are forced to have a countdown on your days, do you wake up and start to see what is important around you, what isn't.

I got into numerous car accidents in 2013. I knocked into the car in front of me and on the 3rd last day of the year, I had somebody crashing into the front right of my car..but I guess the most severe and horrific one would be me sitting in a friend's car and crashing into the side of the trailer. 

Right up to the seconds before the crash and watching the front windscreen of the car smashing into a million pieces right before my eyes..my life never flashed past me, contrary to popular beliefs haha. All I could think of was, "Oh..this is it." I actually kind of embraced the consequence, whatever it was.

Of course, I am thankful till this day that I walked out of the accident with no serious injuries except a scar on my forehead which extends till my eye lid..and that my colleagues are fine.

I think if there is one thing i learnt in 2013, is that life is truly extremely fragile..and you would never know when will your last day be. I came out of this accident feeling extremely paranoid. On the very night of the accident, I spent my night in the hospital trembling and trying to soothe my furiously beating heart because everytime I tried to lull myself to sleep I replayed the scene of the crash over and over again. One week after the accident, I found myself being ridiculously nervous in cars with trailers driving beside us and yet I could not avoid it because of the nature of my work and where my office is located. And up till now, I can't help freezing up in cars which drive too fast or brake too suddenly.. but I guess this fear or paranoia is never going to go away. I take this as a blessing though, to be more careful on roads, even if other road users aren't.

Coming out of this..I realize how much family, love and happiness really means to me. I guess if something were to happen to me someday, I will go quite easily knowing that I've been lucky to have had the best of all 3.

I was at one of my lowest points recently..in 2013, I complained a lot about immaterial things..about how tiring work is..how much workload I am tasked with and how maybe I am possibly better elsewhere. You can't blame me..I have never been out there trying other types of work so there is no basis to compare against. Speaking to somebody about it made me realize that it is more than that..it is about the job fit, the compatibility, your passion and drive in which if you have, nobody can take from you..and it is really about putting in your best. If there is none of the above, then so be it. If I am going to be spending the majority of my time at work for the foreseeable future..I might as well make the best out of it.

Life is short and perhaps I am still trying to find myself..but I am happy. I love and am loved. I am blessed with the best people around me. I will not ask for more. If I am not already thankful, I will be grateful with what I have.

Afterall, I am alive. And I intend to kick ass in 2014 :)