The Little Things

So many times I complained to A about him being a woodblock..or being such a blind bat and failing to see that he really loves me, I've overlooked all the many small little things he has done for me which really equates to something so immense I cannot match up to..

I was looking through my camera roll and I saw the small snacks he bought for me..waiting patiently and then delivering salmon sushi to me after my event because he knew how much I love salmon sashimi and then delivering OCK chicken wing to me yesterday before our dinner because he knew again how much I really liked the wings and how hungry I felt at that point.

The little things that he does, loving me in his own way..any girl would be more than lucky to have him and I really couldn't possibly ask for more but yet I still do. Times like these I feel so ashamed of myself for always failing to see the good side of everything..and always dwelling on the negative parts.

I feel lucky to have him in my life because most times I feel undeserving of such happiness..and with the foolish but undeniable fear that this won't last. See..that's my dark side kicking in again lol. So yes, all the more I will savour every moment of this love while I still can.

Verbal diarrhoea

So right now I'm sitting here at a crazy timing..i don't think i have ever been up this late ever since i started work but here i am trying to finish a report so that i can sleep in peace, with a wad of tissue stuffed up in one nostril.

My nose is a running tap and i am at the start of a bad, bad week because my period's here and i have tonnes of things to complete before the week's over.

So why am i here..procrastinating and only writing at the worst times.

I guess at the dead of the night and with a melody playing out from my laptop do i feel contemplative.

I feel so old and tired and i am only one year into a working life. It's a little hard to believe that just slightly more than a year ago I had only just graduated from Adelaide and having a blast and enjoying my post-uni freedom doing crazy things with the girls in Adelaide, or just coming back to Singapore and having the sweetest time with my family and friends and now the days are just pretty much the same..work work work with short weekends just to catch up with sleep and try to spend that little time with my family + A and if i'm lucky, my friends.

I know i'm very lucky though..and i am thankful. So many times i open my mouth to complain about work, about things that don't always go my way, about working so far away, about not having a life at such a young age (i am still quite young ok...), but at the end of the day I know i am still very fortunate. And especially after what happened to my mum, if i haven't been living life to the fullest before her accident I am truly trying to enjoy life as it is, and really appreciate my loved ones around me and show them how much they really mean to me because life is that short and fragile, and time will not wait for you.

Thankful for my friends whom i don't meet so often but whom i know will always be there for me when i need them..thankful for my family who's always gonna have my back and for A, who after nearly 4 years and have seen me at my worst, still loves me for me..

Come July this year, we will be 4 years old and yet this still feels so surreal. Every time i think about us, what we have been through together from my internship and poly days, seeing you through NS and through our uni days, being apart for 1 and a half years and pretty soon i am going to watch you graduate and enter the working society..i feel so lucky to be able to experience transiting through life's different stages with you and having you hold my hands through the good times and the bad. It's gonna be 4 years and u still give me the same gooey mushy dizzy lovesick feeling i felt back in 2009.

You're studying for your exams now while i'm feebly trying to work on my report..i'm not sure if you will read this but i hope you'll be able to channel all your mental energy into doing well for the last ever lap in your academic life...i pray that you'll have the strength to cope with 4 papers and to stay healthy during this period so that you can perform your best in your finals and get through this smoothly. I know you'll do just fine and then we can celebrate after your exams and look forward to BKK :* Jaiho sweetie!