My internal struggle for 麻辣香锅

7.35pm and I was in a dilemma between continuing for Hatha 2 and skipping it to get my cravings for 麻辣香锅 satisfied while watching Arrow.

My weak will saw me putting back the two blocks on the shelf and walking out of the studio when I saw the teacher sitting outside the room, and then I back tracked and sat down on my mat again..my guilt got the better of me.

I tried to reason with myself that going for one class was good enough for me after almost a month of not doing yoga. My muscles were protesting in pain and every stretch felt extremely tight and demoralizing. I needed to let my body slowly acclimatize to this again right? 

Excuses.

So true when they say that nobody regrets an exercise or in this case, an extra class of yoga (even if this class difficulty was beyond me).

I fumbled through all the poses and when it came to him telling us to do the crow, I automatically reached for the foam blocks to be placed in front of me so that I would be face smashing the blocks instead of the unforgiving hard floor if I fell. Just as I was about to lift myself, he came over and removed the blocks and I got down again.

"I need the blocks otherwise I'll fall on my face." I told him.

"What makes you think you will fall? Don't use the blocks. Show me."

And I did. 

My feet was off the ground for the longest time..longer than I ever thought achievable and despite not practicing for weeks.

I guess tonight's practice left a deeper impact on me than I had expected. I came to class with a sense of dread and exhaustion but left feeling light hearted and accomplished.

And I still got my Mala cravings settled - 2 x Kang Kong, 2 x Wombok and instant noodles in 大辣. What a lovely way to end Friday. 

Look at this beautiful mess.

Touched by Bangkok

I believe I will never ever get sick of Bangkok.

Our amazing B&B thanks to markong :)

Oh the delicious salted grilled fish...mmmmmm.

 What's Bangkok without squeezing in with the crowds?

 You don't count calories when you are in Thailand.

 Us trying to find our inner hipsters in Rod Fai.

 

YUM.

 

That's right.

#Alifetimeofgratitude

Two weeks ago, I let myself drink until I was almost wasted. I don't remember the last time I got drunk so this was a first time in a long time. The next day was a reminder of why I hardly drink anymore haha or at least not to that extent.

Drinking that day was different because I think it was the second time I was with A and being so almost completely gone while he was still completely sober (that makes him the more sensible one between us). It was different because despite being dead drunk, I was still subtly aware of how he took care of me, tucking me in to bed and pushing the hair out of my face and stroking my head as he waited till I slept before returning to games with his friends. I woke up the next day feeling like crap at my own behaviour and the hangover throbbing in my skull but feeling incredibly blessed at the same time, remembering A looking out for me and having my back even at times when I really don't deserve it.

This is just one of the many many things he has selflessly done for me and I'm trying to remember all of it.

It's not just #100daysofthingstobethankfulabout but #alifetimeofgratitude .

Amen

Love your job, or work so you can do what you love.

127 weeks

It's been more than 2 years since I last hit the mat regularly.

Within these 127 weeks, self reproach and remorse came and went for giving it up when I saw myself making progress. I was committed and I lost the commitment. What made it worse was how I let myself go into an unhealthy 2 years of stuffing myself with rubbish. 

 

Back to an even heavier square one today, and hopefully I will have something different to say in another 127 weeks.

Marriage is not beautiful

Marriage is ugly, you see the absolute worst in someone. You see them when they’re mad, sad, being stubborn, when they’re so unlovable they make you scream. But you also get to see them when they are laughing so hard that tears run down their face, and they can't help but let out those weird gargling noises. You see them at 3am when the world is asleep except you two, and you’re eating in the middle of the kitchen floor. You get to see the side of them that no one else does, and it's not always pretty. It's snorting while laughing, it's the tears when it feels like its all crashing down, it's the farting, it's the bedhead and bad breath, it's the random dances, it's the anger and the joy. Marriage isn’t a beautiful thing, but it is amazing. It’s knowing that someone loves you so much, and wont leave you even though you said something nasty. It’s having someone have your back no matter what. It's fights over stupid things, like someone not doing the dishes or picking up after themselves. And it's those nights you fall asleep in each others arms, feeling like there will never be enough time with them. It’s cleaning up their throw up, or just rubbing their back when they’re sick. It’s the dirtiest, hardest, most rewarding job there is. Because at the end of the day you get to crawl into bed with your best friend, the weirdest, most annoying, loving, goofy, perfect person that you know. Marriage is not beautiful, but it’s one hell of a ride.

Grown-up issues

Quite insane how everything is quickly coming together..but a little too quick for our liking!

Wedding date was finally fixed after ding-donging back and forth with my pantang mum and so was the wedding venue much to our relief, after visiting countless wedding shows and hotels (but this part we sorta enjoyed because free food hehe :D). Bridal package was confirmed quite impulsively on my part..making it the first out of two things I have confirmed to date on a whim and without much thought. *facepalm

With the more urgent wedding matters set aside, we only have the wedding bands and weight loss (sigh) to think about before our photoshoot in Jan.

And now weighing on my mind the past few weeks is zee more exciting yet stressful stage of our lives - renovating our house.

Collected our house keys earlier than we anticipated or hoped for but I guess the tinny silver lining is that we have time on our side to think about what we want for the house and then do it properly..hopefully.

Been stalking pinterest and renotalk forums these few weeks and if our little abode can turn out half as impressive as the ones i see on the internet, i think i will be so very thankful. :)

I've been asked what kind of theme am i keen on and i asked A the same thing..i guess we can kind of agree on Modern Scandinavian since his taste is more towards the modern side and mine is towards the woody/nordic side. 

Actually I am still confused on what I actually want because I want lots of wood, marble and a tinge of rawness (industrial edge?) and I also love the coziness country-themes provide. Lol typical female..indecisive, i know. :\

I love this WIW but I think this may be too girly for A hahaha

Maybe can consider this colour palette but with a closed wardrobe so that it will not look too cluttered.. without the pillar in the middle and 

Can consider this too but colour tone too dark for my liking

Line the shower screen to prevent dirt marks next time..

A bit woody.. a bit raw.. a bit like a resort-style toilet

Bright and airy looking kitchen, but probably change the cabinets to a darker shade (don't want it to yellow over time)

I actually loved this on first sight..but i think it may be a bit too industrial looking to fit in what we want

Would love a similar marble top dining table with wooden legs!

Bedroom to be in shades of soothing honeyed tones of grey, white, cream

Whoops..turning this into a pinterest board.

For the crazy amount of things we have to settle..we are sure going to be extremely tight on $$ for the next few years..:(

Never thought that i would have to ponder so much on grown-up issues and I'm not even 25 yet!